BODY IMAGE

So as you all have seen I have been tweeting about weight loss and about wanting to loose 10lbs... I was very desperate! That I even went to my Local pharmacy to buy these "Fat Burning" pills...Not knowing of the side effects! after buying them I learned the horrible effect it could cause to my body! My weight has ALWAYS been an issue for me since I was little, and im sure many of you reading this have also had problems with it. Exactly 2 years ago i weighed 250lbs.... and I joined a Gym and worked my butt off to get "fit"  now im 168lbs which is a HUGE accomplishment, but I must admit I still see that "fat boy" in the mirror every now and then... :( I must confess..Im obsessed with my weight! and today was a HUGE wake up call because i was literally about to put these in my body...

Some of them "Fat Burning" pills haven't even been approved by the FDA! If you're struggling with your weight do it the old way lots of cardio, drink lots of water and lower your calorie intake! Everytime I look into the mirror and feel down because I feel "fat" I look back at my journey I have been...Remember that No mater what Size,shape, color you are remeber that YOU are beautiful! If you're dedicated in changing yourself! You CAN do it! Its a struggle trust me but its possible! Dont make the same mistake I almost made today by choosing the easy road and buying these "Fat Burning" diet pills. The best solution for weight loss is Lots of Cardio, Lots of water! and less calories! In the end Everyone is beautiful in their own way...I know I still have work to do but we need to stay positive and start by first of all loving ourselves!  If you ever look in the mirror and dont like what you see remember Beauty is not in the face, beauty is a light in the heart

And remember ....

xoxo

In Loves Hands

"You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well."   ~Author Unknown




I never thought i'd find out what being in love meant or when I was going to experience it...
at 20 years old many do not know what love is...many around my age dont develop that stage of "being in love"...But there's still those who are lucky enough to get there... I met the love of my life a little over a year ago I remember the date like it was yesterday November 18th 2010 where did we meet? Twitter actually! At the time he was unfortunately taken, but I didn't approach him with the intention of dating him.. we became friends and it turned out the guy who he was with was being unfaithful to him...I was there for him through out all of his problems and little did I know  little by little I began to Develop a crush on him.

We had been talking for about a month now through phone calls and Text we never had met!I remember being sooooo nervous to confess I liked him because I didnt want him to think it was weird if we hadn't even met!  I was afraid that he didnt feel the same way about me I was sure that I liked him but I wasnt sure if he liked me back simply because I though he was out of my league! later on throughout the weeks we arranged to FINALLY meet it was on 

December 23rd 2010:

He picked me up that day to go to the movies I remember it had been raining all day by the time we got out of the movies it was sprinkling. We decided to go to a park and just talk and get to know each other more....I got my first kiss that night I had the craziest butterflies ever! And he confessed to me that he too liked me and wanted to give us a shot to get to know each other.

January 9th 2011

(South Mountain, Phoenix, AZ)

Weeks after our date He decided to pick me up one afternoon and take me to South Mountain he said that we could hang out there and see the sunset with a stunning view! Way up high in the mountain I was blown away with the beautiful view of the city! The something happened.... He officially asked me out! the setting was perfect! I was the happiest guy on earth! 

February 14th 2011

This was my very first valentines with someone and my baby made sure to make very special eating out by a small lake at the park..Spending quality time together. By this time in our relation we both were sure we were in love And what made it even more special was the fact that we both were ready to confess it to each other!

July 14th-17th 2011

One of my favorite memories was the time we both took our very first vacation together after such a stressful semester of school we both needed it! We were debating between San Diego or LA and six flags so we just decided to go to LA :) It was the best weekend i've ever had! I engraved our initials in the sand at Santa Monica even though the waves washed it away I know my love for him is engraved for ever. 

((Santa Monica CA)

After many months after  and many memories later that I cant fit in one blog we celebrated  our 1 Year Anniversary  a couple days ago.  I can proudly and happily  say I have had the happiest Year of my life! We are truly deeply in Love! We have had our good share of ups and downs, but that's normal right? In the end we are stronger than ever before. I went from not knowing when or who was going to come into my life to having an amazing guy come a swoop me away. I definitely cant wait to see what the future has in store for us! Whats even more amazing is that we are 100% that we are ment to be its something only we can understand. I never could have imagine being in a realtionship nevertheless being in one for 1 year! In the end I thank god everyday for giving me someone that makes me smile everyday someone who is always there when I need him on my bad and good days. I love you so much babe! <3 You definitely mean the WORLD to me! And now we continue with our dreams of being together many years me continuing with music and college to maybe get in the field of Psychology and him continuing his courses to become a doctor...where ever life takes us as long as we are together in the journey im happy. <3

(Left: Me Right: Him)

My Fight With Darkness

BULLYING

Im 20 years old and although it may seem like I have had  a good life and that I have never had any issues in my life...well thats very incorrect. I cant say I didnt have a good childhood, because I did I was always honor roll student in elementary school I LOVED school..until I slowly started gaining weight by my first year of Junior High I was overweight and thats when my life changed...I remember waiting in line waiting for my lunch when a group of kids came up to me being forced me into the bathroom stalls around the corner and started hurting me...they started to call me names like "pigzilla" "fatso" "Lard" any name you can basically think someone over weight can be called...Al throughout Junior High I was constantly bullied constantly beat up I was personally starting to change, because I was known as the happy kid I was always smiling Always in a positive mood I was a people person but I slowly started being pushed into the darkness I started distancing myself from my family I had definitely hit depression.. there wasn't a day where I wouldn't get bullied it was a constant battle I needed to run away I needed to escape this nightmare I wanted to Die I wanted to Kill myself. I honestly don't know how I made it out of junior high but I did and soon after I started my first year in high school.

High School was even worse.. I attended Greenway High School ..but something strange started happening to me..something I didn't understand I slowly began to get feelings for guys and not girls...I was confused and with no friends at all I had no where to turn I had completely lost communication with my family I felt alone. Throughout my freshman year I had small group of friends and I had started to trust them  I confide in one of the girls and told her my secret that I might be gay...little that I know that she was going to go and tell everyone in our circle! Word spread quickly and that same day as I was walking home after school  I was approached by some football players and I got the WROST beating in my life! I was forced to the ground, kicked, punched spit landing on me from all side all I could hear was "You fucking faggot!" "Queer!" I was left there alone..When I got home that afternoon I had officially decided to end my life. I knew where my parents kept a gun and i was going to kill myself that way, I felt like that was my only escape my only way to be...Happy. I had sent out text messages to everyone in my contact list Made sure everyone had fallen sleep at home once they did I was ready. I remember grabbing the gun and pointing it on my head, tears rolling down my face slowly pressing the trigger, when my door was knocked down by my dad and mom.

Everything from then became a blur there were tears from everyone cops at the front door blood on the floor from the cuts that I have made to myself. This is what my classmates had done to me these are the effects of bullying all across the world! I lived it and I suffered through it!  I was sent to Rehab over the summer before my Junior year  And i was there for about 2 months after I was released I felt a lot better about myself, I became a STRONG young man I started working out I started to accept my sexuality. I was finally happy. Now Im proud to say that I no longer care what negative things people say about me because their opinions DONT matter :) ive lost 100lbs and now I can look in the mirror and smile and be proud of my accomplishment. I learned that being Gay isnt wrong that's just me im no different than anyone else even though my parents dont know Im still happy becasuse my friends know, and some of my family members and  I still feel free! there will be a time when I will be ready to come out to them (parents). But now im just living the life I have an amazing Boyfriend who I call my Angel, because hes been there with me through all my struggles I feel like the luckiest guy I have my amazing friends who i can fully trust on! If you've been bullied or are being bullied don't let them bring you down! We all have a purpose in this world   and remember no matter what shape, size,orientation or color you are or what  ethnicity you are beautiful! You're Not alone! <3  Thanks to Demi Lovato every now and then when im feeling down her music keeps reminding me to "keep Staying Strong" 

xoxo

Hi Everyone
 You all might know me from twitter this blog is just so you all can get a 
look into my life share with you my personal feelings and just to post fun 
pictures, videos and what not in short words blog about Random stuff haha
. So come Join me in my crazy life :) Let the fun begin!
xoxo 

Jay